HTBAPB

Someone just emailed this to me and it made my day.

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her
parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear
and would be the best dressed mother- of-the-bride ever! A week later,
Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had
bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she
refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and
I'm wearing it,' she replied.



Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's
your special day.'


A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You
really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.'



Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night
before the wedding.'

NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY
WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!


(HTBAPB - HOW TO BE A PERFECT BITCH!!)

A bat in the house

I am a sorority house mom. The job creates loads of interesting and completely ridiculous stories, this is one of them:

So I find out yesterday that we have a bat in the house. A bat that has been there since FRIDAY and no one told me. Seriously, how hard is it for 1 girl to call me and tell me something. There are 27 of them! 1 of them could have called me.

I called humane animal removal to come get the thing and while I'm waiting I find it hiding in the living room. Some of the girls don't care, but most of the girls proceed to freak out at the very mention of the word, BAT. So I hang out and make sure no one tries to catch the little buggar themselves.

Eventually the pest guy shows up and the girls start refering to him as batman almost immediately. He's shy and young and I think the very prescence of 27 odd screaming girls is kind of freaking him out, but he hides it well.

7 of the girls decide they want to stay and watch him catch the bat because they've never seen a bat up close. I agree mainly because I'm a big fan of animal education, and they should learn that bats aren't dangerous creatures.

The next 3 minutes of my life are something out of a movie. The guy goes to grab the bat and it takes off and starts flying around the room. Screams erupt immediately and all 7 girls hit the floor like shots had been fired. 2 of them actually dove to the ground. He finally catches it and they all gather around with exclamations of "it's so small!" "it's just a baby!" "he's so cute!"

So if I let him go again would you still think he was cute?

Anyway we let him go outside and he flew away.

Moral of the this story: IF YOU LEAVE THE FRONT DOOR PROP OPEN WE WILL GET UNINVITED VISITORS

This is why I worship at the Temple of Ambition

90210

Oh new 90210 how I love thee, let me count that ways,

1. Nat

2. Brenda

3. Kelly

4. gross abuse of money

5. toothpick thin girls

6. underage drinking

and

the THE DRAMA has begun already.

I'm back..

...after a brief foray into internet dating. I hate internet dating.

Scenes from the Laundromat

am lucky enough to get to do my laundry almost weekly at the local laundromat because my landlord is too cheap to put a washer/dryer in my place cause he'd have to do extra plumbing. Of course both the upstairs and downstairs have them, but not me. Although I get a rent discount and they don't. I digress.

While at the laundromat I have to chance to observe many many unusual and not so unusual people. Personally, I like the weird ones.

Monday night I was at the laundromat, folding a couple loads of laundry, when 2 young girls walk in carrying their comforters. They must be around 19/20 and have clearly never been in a laundromat before. In the 15 minutes I was there with them they,
debated which washer they should use (triple loader was decided), which machine was actually the triple loader (which they gave up on and asked me), How much the tripler loader costs, and where to put the soap.

Then they realize after putting in a few quarters that it's more then the $3 advertised on the ancient sign over the machines, and start to freak out a little cause they don't have enough money to run 2 machines.....2 machines....for 2 comforters...that are the same color....

So on my way out I can't keep my mouth shut anymore so I interject with, you could just wash both of those in the same machine, and they come back with....

WE CAN???!!?

So I proceeed to explain that since they were using cold water and the color of their comforters is almost the same they can wash them together.

Those shoes suck!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening my little sweater monkeys. Now as you may or may not know I LOVE shoes and I don't discriminate. I love cheap shoes, expensive shoes, leather shoes, pleather shoes, high heels, kitten heels, ballet flats, and sneakers. I JUST LOVE THEM. Mainly because shoes pretty much always fit and never make you look fat. There is a line even I must draw when it comes to shoes and Brit designer, Antonio Berardi, has drawn that line with these:



Heeless Heels....can you even call them heels? I call them torture. A pair of these goes for £1,800, which equals about $3600. They are 5 and a half inch high with a solid platform and I hear Victoria Beckham already has her name on a pair of the snakeskin ones. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman have already grabbed themselves some black patent ones. Stay tuned for celebrities falling off their shoes!

Some TV to talk about

First things first my fellow Losties! Any thoughts on last nights episode? I thought it was kind of boring, but I do have a new theory. I think that Jacob is the island he's the smoke monster, Christian Shepard, Harper, Walt, and the black horse that Kate saw that one time. Thoughts?

Meanwhile in other news I have rediscovered what I believe to be the greatest TV show ever (besides LOST)



JACK OF ALL TRADES starring the always amazing Bruce Campbell. The show was created by the same guys that did Hercules and Xena so it has that sort of look to it and it's super cheesy and hilarious. Just in case that isn't enough to entice you to watch, there's a talking parrot. Also appearences by Napoleon, Louis and Clark, and other assorted historical figures. Now if I could figure out how to post a song on here I would post the theme song. As TV theme songs go I'd say this is running a very close second to The Highlander theme.

define Hate

My personal definition of hate is simple, straightforward, and I think, to the point. I define hate as MY JOB. My job equals buckets and buckets of hate. I wake up every morning praying that I am sick, or the weather is too bad for me get there, or hell some days I even weigh the pros and cons of just calling in and quitting. Yes I hate my job that much.

The only saving grace is that I really do like most of the people who work in my office. Except for my 2 coworkers, who will be refer to as K and C, now K is my supervisor and C is my coworker. Honestly, C is pretty damn cool she’s been through a lot in her life and I understand she has a hard time occasionally. BUT this does not mean you have to run and tell our boss everything that anyone tells you. Yep. She’s a tattle tale, and no one likes a tattle tale. Unfortunately she’s the least of my worries. Now K is the big problem. She’s sneaky. Acts like she’s your best friend, but you know how it really is….

Here’s an example. This morning I walk in and after some typical morning banter she asks me if I remember emailing the rest of the staff about this event I put in the system for Friday. Now if I did put this event in it was back in September, so of course I don’t remember, but I do usual email people when a large, overnight event is planned. Apparently I didn’t and our night operations staff didn’t get schedule anyone to be here Friday night. So I check the event to see when I entered it so I can then check my emails to see if I did indeed email it and what do I find…there in the lower left hand corner. CREATED BY: K 10/18/07…..what’s this? OH I didn’t even enter it. Yep and I get blamed. I ALWAYS GET BLAMED. When I showed her that I did not in fact even enter the event it’s still MY fault. SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS PLACE!

Offer me a job as long as it has benefits and I make enough to live on I’m there. HELP ME.

and the Oscar goes to...

First and foremost I would like to express my elation that the writer’s strike is over and we now get a few more episodes of LOST. YAY!!

Secondly I want to talk about the Oscars. Now personally I love awards season. Not because of the movies or the awards themselves, but for the glitz, the glamour, and the fashion. That’s right I’m in it for the clothes, the shoes, and the accessories that make me positively green with envy or in some cases red with embarrassment. Now the only hitch in my otherwise glorious evening full of evening wear has to be Ryan Seacrest, but I sucked it up and turned on E!.

I was happy to see not too many fashion disasters this year, but I think a lot of the dresses were just boring. Although at the same time there’s nothing wrong with a classic dress while I don’t think I would ever wear black to an awards show, Jennifer Garner, looked amazing in her gown with the Van Clef diamonds…yum. Speaking of Jen did everyone see her get attacked by crazy ass Gary Busey? If you haven’t I suggest you watch it the look of sheer horror in Jen’s eyes is enough to make it worth watching.



The dress I really want to discuss is Marion Cotillard’s “mermaid dress” by Jean-Paul Gaultier. GOREGOUS! I loved this dress and she worked that dress, too. I don’t think many woman could have pulled that dress off, but she looked absolutely stunning.



I also really loved the red that Anne Hathaway, Miley Cyrus, and Katherine Heigel were wearing. Thank goodness they didn’t put too much make-up on Miley. She looked like a street walker at the Grammy’s.

Too many dresses and so little time!

Lastly, let’s talk screenwriters namely one, Diablo Cody, former stripper and now Oscar winner. Refusing to wear the 1 million dollar Stuart Weitzman shoes. Now I suppose I can see where she’s coming from not wanting to be part of publicity stunt, but COME ON! Stuart Weitzman makes 1 pair of gorgeous shoes every year and then asks one lucky girl to wear them on the red carpet. So you’ll have to excuse me if I say I am appalled by Cody’s refusal to wear these shoes.

Be still my heart!!

I was getting my daily dose of gossip on PerezHilton.com when I saw this:





Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that all five New Kids on the Block are in Los Angeles today to take new publicity shots for the reunion tour they have yet to "officially" announce.


Please please let this be true!